I always wanted to know what it's like to be a human. Well, I also wanted to be a swan. That ended up great. I guess I don't need a special introduction. I am a douchebag with the thunderbolt.

Yeeeeaaaah, man... that brings other issues into question, doesn't it? I am the last one of the ancient ones, others either parish for some trivial stupid error in judgment, or I turned them into the wondering shadows to avail their spite.

If you tried, you might guess right - I am that ancient immortal god imprisoned in this place, with you. And I have no exit. I am so old, that I forgot why I am here. I still remember ancient battles, at least what's left of me.

I watched happy families through the windows of their homes, and I wondered. I went inside of their houses, of their lives, and follow them in their dreams, I read their mind, their desires, wishes, their joy and pain, I made it my own... but I still wonder - are they aware that I am still here.

I've been young, I've been an old, I've been a man, a child, a woman, even your pet. I was all of that, and I still wonder. How is it to be a human, to live and to die, and never to return? I am not like you, because I have no escape out of this neverending story, a game, and I exist in wonder and perpetual guessing through the millenniums, is there something else? Where have all of my friends gone? If I had any...

Anyways, a few nights ago I decided to go about my flaky ways ( no swans though...), and I ended up by mistake ( not mine) with some dude ( a reason behind no-swans), who by the way knows all about me. So, he is not entirely ignorant. Still, he needed some reason and persuasion to acknowledge my existence, and after that pretty much everything went to shit.

Nah, he didn't take it lightly, for obvious reasons - one of them is that I like to have fun - and contrary expected, he doesn't live in fear, because what a hell he can do about it.

He wasn't all that peachy and godfearing so he thinks I will cut off his balls or something. I might. But what a hell I would do with a pair of his jingle bells...?

And he also did not elevate me a temple. Obelisk at least would be just fine. I pretty much know what he intends to elevate in my honor... Just for the sake of an argument, I don't care. Unless... he accompanies that with a poem or something. Just a friendly warning, I burnt down Pan to crisp for a reason. He didn't just croak because "people stop believing in nature". And it was not because of his sodding awful art.

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Anyway. I became bored with myself, so I went to see how to enclose myself and fall asleep for a few ... godly thousand of years. I guess you all don't need me around here.

I was between a volcano, deep earth lake, but in the end, I gave up epic thoughts and just pick a random cave nobody knows nothing about. At least I thought so.

I went inside of it, the sides, walls, and ceilings were smooth and solid, made almost entirely of one piece. When I drop a hammer, it will sink quickly, my plan was.

At one point an entrance and ceiling started to slowly slip down, exit closed and the solid rock was dropping down at me.

I walked deeper in a cave trying to find a crypt or at least a hole deep enough to lie down and close myself in that marbled grave. Yes, maybe my time came and I should go to sleep.

A problem? All these holes in the rocky floor were so damn small for me, so I kept going deeper inside of a cave, knocking down stalactites, and stoping the rock sinking on me so I can pass deeper inside.

I finally found a rip in the floor deep enough, I kneeled to settle down and ceiling drop further down on me.

But then I realized that I am not all alone in what I hoped to be my cold grave, and I heard screaming and voice yelling for help. I thought to myself now what... I heard that guy screeching like a rat under a barrel begging somebody to help him.

Is this for reals? I asked myself, how the hell he found me in here. This is a spiritual realm, humans can't travel in that way... unless, of course, he found how in some witch's menstrual diary.

The screams continued, so I said to myself, ok just this time, before I lie down in my long sleep, I will help that asshole to escape this calamity.

I put my back into it and elevated the roofing opening the exit in the cave. The pressure was horrible, but a mountain gave up.

I heard his voice, but could not see him getting out. He was trapped somewhere back at the entrance and could not get out.

Being sure I wish nobody especially that obnoxious soul to share my place of eternal peace with me, I let go of the initial plan to lift an entire mountain to free an idiot, grabbed and dragged the asshole out before the entire thing collapsed down into the depth of the earth.

Now, not only that I am probably the only god with a migraine, but I also have a crooked back and an asshole is searching Google Maps to find that cave because he thinks there are diamonds and treasures there...

So, you tell me... what a hell I suppose to do with that asshole?

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Hey, why don't you point that diamond cave on Google maps!? (41.67%) 5 / 12 Well, you suppose to be a deity, what a hell I know... (16.67%) 2 / 12 Just hit him with the thunderbolt, problem solved (16.67%) 2 / 12 Ok, how about I elevate you a temple ( can it be small?), and you shower me in blessings instead? (8.33%) 1 / 12 Wait, what...? (8.33%) 1 / 12 Now you know why deities are not suppose to talk to the people... (8.33%) 1 / 12